the first time i kissed a girl was on a bus at a church camp my mom was chaperoning. i was 13, and an older girl (17, let’s hope) dared the girl to kiss me, so we made out on the bus. then the older girl dared me to kiss her, so i kissed her too. it’s cool because both girls were really cute, but i’m probably fucked forever, right?
when i first heard “girl afraid,” i knew morrissey wrote it for me, about me. it’s the saddest song///that desire to do something, to make a move, and you want to so bad but…something’s there? i had no idea how to try and kiss my girlfriend for the first time because it came so easy before. and so that wall is there that let’s you think that doing nothing is better than trying and being rejected, that a girl turning you down is so much worse than not doing anything…
and it’s not, at all. worst feeling. and you go home, and you’re stuck with that anticipation that was there before you hung out that day, and it takes a different form…and it hates you for not trying anything, so you convince yrself that the timing wasn’t perfect, even when it was, even when yr completely alone, even when yr openly hard-flirting, even when yr in the same bed…and the attraction is rarely so obvious that the other person makes the move first, right? and then when that other person does make the first move, you suddenly like them less…
and “girl afraid” sounds like a high school party scene, not something a 23-year-old should be living like, every time.
and when you actually like the other person, you really can’t stop thinking about it…
my top 5 smiths songs
1. girl afraid///louder than bombs
2. i know it’s over///the queen is dead
3. well i wonder///meat is murder
4. pretty girls make graves///the smiths
5. stretch out and wait///louder than bombs
WICCA PHA$E $PRING$ ETERNAL
BITE MY EAR RELEASE PARTY///JUNE 9///PHILADELPHIA, PA
